With the ultimate goal in mind of you becoming the best parent ever, and so you and your child can get the most from our program, I would like to share with you this week’s mokuso…….
Eight of the most powerful parenting concepts I have discovered.
1. Learn now to practice “Non-judgement”: You will need to develop this before your child enters their teens years. If you do they will trust and talk to you. Learn to stop judging everything as right or wrong, good or bad.
Learn not to “fix” or “solve” everything! I know its tough sometimes….I was a “fixer” and had to learn to stop myself.
2. Do not be your child’s BFF: If your #1 motivation is for your child to “like” you, you will never be able to be their parent. Parenting means making difficult and oftentimes unpopular choices for your child. You do not need them to like you . . . they need to love and respect you. Tough Love = Good Parenting.
3. The four stresses your child needs more of: You want your child to have a good life. But a good life doesn’t necessarily mean an easy life. When everything comes too fast and too easy they never learn character, particularly strong work ethic and discipline. The four stresses children need more of to develop character….fear, boredom, hardship and failure. How much of each of these did your child experience today? Courage can only be learned in the presence of fear. Discipline and hard work can only be learned with boredom, hardship and failure.
4. Make them do things they do not want to do: What is discipline? The ability to do things you do not want to do. So, make your child do things they want to do all the time!
5. Make them wait: Self-regulating, self-control and delayed gratification are all critical skills for success as adults. Technology like video games, tablets phones etc etc works against you. So, make them wait for everything you can.
6. Do not make your children the centre of your family: Dr. Spock started this in the 1960’s and has been proven wrong! “If the relationship between the mother is father is good the kids will be fine.” The nucleus of any family is the husband and wife.
7. Punishing a child into good behaviour does not work over the long haul:
Try not to even go down this road because it does not work and both sides lose. Just learn to do two things: “Catch them doing something right” and “Learn to reward approximations of success”. This one is huge and we will be talking more about this in the coming weeks and into the new year.
8. The #1 thing you can do to raise a highly successful and happy child:
Develop a “Growth Mindset” in your child and your family. Start by becoming much more aware where you are on the Fixed/Growth Mindset spectrum. Learn to not judge and label, starting with yourself. Replace phrases like “I can’t” with TRY MY BEST!! “That’s impossible” with “Lets see how we can make this work”
Learn the language of praising “Effort, Choices, and the Process” rather than performance and results.
Have an amazing week!!! And be the best parent ever!!
Keiko Karate – “Actually we do make Ninjas and Superheroes here………………we turn kids into Ninjas and we turn their parents into their superheroes!”